A different kind of cracker: Floyd Mayweather Jr feeds us another empty meal

Some of us are old enough to remember Eddie Murphy before the CGI donkeys and fat suits, back when he was the undisputed world champion of comedy – the funniest man on the planet. In one of his best stand-up bits from the 1980s, the setup had to do with men, their – uh – bedroom urges and the delusion that ensues after what feels like an interminable wait to meet them.

“If you starving and somebody throw you a cracker …”

Hold for applause.

Fight fans can relate to the struggle. In the doldrums of August – post-Olympics, pre-NFL and in a barren stretch of the boxing schedule – a Ritz or a Saltine would have been savored like wagyu beef. Even one of those weird Chicken in a Biskit atrocities might have been enough to take the edge off. Instead, on Saturday night former five-division titleholder Floyd Mayweather Jr offered up yet another exhibition – against John Gotti III at Arena CDMX in Mexico City, in a “rematch” of their first “fight” – and the result was as distasteful, indigestible and wholly unsatisfying as all of us should have come to expect.

The less said about the fight action – such as it was – the better. This much is worth noting: the 47-year-old Mayweather still knows how to pick ‘em. He dominated, preened and idled at his leisure against Gotti – the grandson of the glorified mob boss – who, despite the strained efforts of the DAZN announcing crew to portray otherwise, had nothing for Mayweather.

The most notable development between the ropes came in the second round, when a ducking Gotti was slapped behind the head by a chopping Mayweather punch. Although the intent didn’t appear to be malicious, the referee reacted by briefly separating the fighters and double-tapping behind his own head as the mildest of warnings to Mayweather – who promptly threatened to take his ball and go home.

It was Floyd’s show, after all, and perhaps he felt the need to control the proceedings after his first encounter with Gotti ended in a brawl that the since-retired Kenny Bayless wasn’t able to wrangle. So following Mayweather’s literal swipe at Saturday’s ref, the delivery of a few choice words and the appearance of seconds from both corners on the ring apron, the show ultimately went on … with a replacement official.

In an evening of endlessly awkward moments, it was one of the more straightforwardly cringey set pieces. Stranger yet was Mayweather showing up for the fight in an armored, supposedly bulletproof tactical vehicle; his accompaniment by Los Angeles Lakers center Anthony Davis, who managed not to throw out his back or tear an MCL in the walk to the ring; and Floyd’s post-fight exchange with Mexican fighting legend Julio Cesar Chavez.

Mayweather, who has an appreciation for boxing history – and who is especially praiseworthy of past greats who are sufficiently respectful of his accomplishments – welcomed Chavez into the ring during his post-fight interview, grinning and throwing an arm around El Gran Campeón.

“I have to take my hat off to this legend,” Mayweather said. “He’s one of the guys that I was watching when I came up, and I just want to let him know that I’m proud of him.”

But when the interviewer followed up with Chavez about rumored talk of an exhibition between the two retired fighters, Mayweather all but recoiled.

“That may be true, but he’s older now,” Mayweather said of the 62-year-old Chavez. “And if I do an exhibition with him, it’s not gonna look good for me.”

So if you’re keeping score at home of acceptable opponents for exhibition boxing matches for Mayweather, the tally looks something like this:

Mixed martial artists, kickboxers, YouTubers and D-list mafioso descendants: Yes, please.

Fellow retired boxing legends: Nope.

That isn’t to suggest that Mayweather fears Chavez. (According to DAZN’s commentators, Floyd had made a crack about fighting Chavez with a hand tied behind his back. All joking aside, however, that assessment isn’t far off.) Still, Mayweather – a brilliant boxing businessman – knows where and precisely how his bread gets buttered. Hint: It’s not handing over a huge cut in PPV royalties and half of the promotional attention to Mexico’s greatest living boxing icon.

Go ahead and respect the marketing hustle. Give Mayweather credit for maintaining MCU levels of fitness and staying kitana-sharp in the ring. But as a boxing fan, don’t let your hunger for great fights get in the way of your good sense. Keep paying for it and Floyd will gladly continue direct-depositing your money – and matchmakers won’t have any incentive to stop charging egregious fees for repugnant shows.

Don’t be fooled: A Mayweather fight is no longer a Mayweather fight – no more than a cracker is a meal.

Mayweather’s so-called protege Curmel Moton had by then won his fifth professional contest in only 55 seconds. The 18 year old, fighting at lightweight, had already hurt Vazquez with a left hand when a right hook sent him to the canvas. Vazquez attempted to return to his feet, but the action was waved over; it was Vazquez’s first fight since 2018. The light heavyweight John “Candyman” Easter also recorded a stoppage victory, against Gilberto Flores, when the referee intervened to save the struggling Flores from further punishment.

Jason Langendorf is the former Boxing Editor of ESPN.com, has contributed to Ringside Seat and the Queensberry Rules, and has written about boxing for Vice, The Guardian, Chicago Sun-Times and other publications. A member of the Boxing Writers Association of America, he can be followed on X and LinkedIn, and emailed at [email protected].