By Maverick Fantana: Texas is known for more than just cowboys with thick accents and cool hats. It has a rich history that includes the assassination of an American president, the Battle of the Alamo, and being the home of flat-earth deniers at NASA. Meanwhile, Mike Tyson is known for his own set of peculiarities: mistaking a grown man for a toddler and kissing him, biting opponents’ ears and legs (Holyfield and Lewis), and cherry-picking boxing opponents to maintain his image as a formidable beast and world-beater. Tomorrow night, Texas and Tyson will combine to write more history, and Mike has once again proven that a leopard doesn’t change its spots.
For those who may not know, Mike Tyson—the legendary former undisputed heavyweight champion, the youngest ever to hold a heavyweight title, and widely regarded as one of the most exciting boxers in history (up there with Audley Harrison)—is set to face YouTube superstar Jake Paul. Paul, standing at 6 feet 1 inch, now weighing over 220 pounds, and with four years of professional boxing experience, is 28 years old. He’s reportedly set to earn $40 million for the fight, thanks to his immense fame. With a professional record of 11 wins and just one loss (his only defeat at the hands of British celebrity boxer Tommy Fury, half-brother of former world champion Tyson Fury), Paul is the perfect dance partner for the 58-year-old Tyson.
Paul has boxed an array of retired MMA fighters, knocking several of them out. He boasts about his awesome power and styles himself as a legitimate boxer. But let’s be real, he’s not. However, he is a salesman, much like Mike Tyson. Both have managed to convince the public they are something they simply aren’t—a tactic Tyson has employed since the ’80s. Tyson cherry-picked his way to fame and eventually the world title in a seriously weak era.
Jake Paul is making his first foray into the heavyweight division, making him another blown-up cruiserweight fodder for Tyson to feast on. Mike sure knows how to pick ’em—his whole career was based on cherry-picking opponents to make him look good. Mike managed to amass an impressive unbeaten record and become the undisputed heavyweight champion some thirty-odd years ago. He fought blown-up cruiserweights like Spinks, knocked out old men like Larry Holmes, and failed to dent fighters like James “Bonecrusher” Smith, who was able to withstand Mike’s onslaughts and even cracked Mike in the tenth, making his legs buckle. He was there for the taking if only somebody could seize it.
Tyson was also extremely lucky to get the win in his first fight with Frank Bruno, as the fight should have been stopped in the second when Bruno rocked him with that left hand and Tyson was out on his feet. Most people were taken aback by his explosiveness and couldn’t get past the hype, and it seems they still can’t. While he was a decent contender, often facing opponents much better than Jake Paul, the excitement he brought to the ring still has people talking about him today as if he still has it.
We all know he then went on to lose the title, struggle with Ruddock, and then get sent down. After his prison stint, Tyson returned to fight the likes of Peter McNeely! The fact that he earned tens of millions of dollars for that fight is unbelievable. Mike went on for years dining on his reputation and earning mega money, and he fought and lost for the heavyweight title multiple times. The public certainly buys into the garbage fights Tyson hypes up even now in 2024, and this one against someone whose frontal lobe isn’t even fully developed is shocking and absurd. He’s essentially going to be beating up on a child! To put it into context, I recently had to confront a seven-year-old for bullying one of my kids at soft play, and I chinned him. Not only did I get a caution, but I also got a lifetime ban from that soft play arena. There were mums screaming at me and all sorts. Yet, Mike Tyson is getting paid a massive fortune for practically doing the same thing.
In closing
The hype surrounding tomorrow’s contest is immense, and it just doesn’t make any sense. But welcome to the modern era of idiocracy, where a YouTube Disney kid can somehow step into the ring to fight Mike Tyson. I’m sure everyone knows Jake Paul will be flattened, even if the media has hyped him up to be a dangerous opponent to Iron Mike. Maybe this fight is getting so much coverage due to bloodlust. Mike Tyson posts a three-second video clip of himself punching fresh air, and people say he’s ready for the winner of Fury vs Usyk. An impressive-looking knockout of this kid Jake Paul doesn’t prove much. Ultimately, this fight underscores the bizarre spectacle modern boxing has become, where fame and hype often outweigh genuine talent and skill.
Yours in manliness, Fantana
About the author – Maverick Fantana is the author of the Christmas book, Bouncers versus Zombies, available on Amazon for less than the price of a pint. You could use it to hit kids with at soft play areas, but be warned, you will get banned if caught.
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